they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
