So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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