My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
did i just pee glitter
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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