Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
