Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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