I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
