im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drake has all the answers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
