it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
did you just send me my own nude
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
