i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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