thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
