Me too!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
