It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
