Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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