dude i'm inner monologue high
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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