Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
