Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize