Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
