Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
