I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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