Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
FUCK WHALES
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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