i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
