I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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