I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
