Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize