He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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