Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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