omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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