so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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