and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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