Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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