wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do vagina's smell?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
