The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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