Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
