Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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