sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
