my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
