she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
