I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i think my cat just said my name.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
