We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
