grandma shit on top of the toilet
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
