How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
