Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
