So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
