The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
