Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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