Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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