I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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