Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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