Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
