Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is wine microwaveable?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
