I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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