I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
