Can i not drive my cunt home
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
