i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize