whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
