I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
