If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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