you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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