I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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