There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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