he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
