Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
