at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
