saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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