Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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