jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
