I'm jealous of your bromance
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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