no, he came in my armpit
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
