hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
