This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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