Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
