So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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