Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
