you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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