I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
