and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
