I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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