Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
