i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
